Oh, dear, God…

Since I’m going to be talking to You a lot more, we need to discuss language. The other day when we talked about rulers, I know You saw the slip in my head when I almost said, “What in the hell are You thinking with some of these guys!” Sorry about that.

I kind of have to say Hell in the context of the place. If I refer to Hell as the hot place, people might think I’m going on vacation to Florida, Arizona, or Texas instead of the place of extreme punishment. Most people wouldn’t rule out the Bahamas either. Not many people know that I fear the devil’s triangle and equate it with a possible portal to the evil one’s home. Any of those destinations wouldn’t really be a place of punishment, except maybe Texas or if I was sucked into that portal. For clarity’s sake, I prefer to use Hell. Also, Devil’s den of fire, pain, and misery is way too descriptive and freaks me out causing more stress.

I can refrain from using hell in other ways. You may have already heard the new word I’ve come up with in my head, helk.

The word heck has fallen out of favor and doesn’t quite describe intense feeling. Helk is my version of a purgatory type word, not good but not bad either. Helk isn’t the green pepper of heck nor the Dragon’s Breath chili of hell. Helk’s more of a jalapeño, spice that doesn’t burn a hole in your throat or guarantee me a trip to Texas. I promise to refrain from using hell and replacing that word with helk.

I am going to have a problem with sh*t. (As in all kinds, but, I mean the word in this instance.) It’s my favorite word, covers everything really. Can I get away with the French version, merde. Only French speaking people will know what it means. Don’t worry about the people reading my blog. I can guarantee none of my three followers are French. Most days, I have only one visitor to my blog, me. So no worries. See the kind of merde I deal with?

I need to ask, why put writing in my head if I’m destined to be a writer like I am a singer, belting out tunes with the windows rolled up? Never mind, that type of self pity looks stupid in light of real life problems.

Anyhoo, I wanted to clear up that I’m not vulgar for the sake of being vulgar. I need to explain that I don’t feel big fat meenie head carries the same weight as butthead which doesn’t quite reach the effect of sh*thead.

I do know that I shouldn’t call anyone bad names. Name calling is childish. All people are Your children, but You must admit, some days are filled with more of Your children being merdeheads than others. Yes, I include myself in those statistics. I wanted to be open with You about my language.

I promise not to use the queen mother of all swear words, f*ck. Honestly, at least, I won’t use that word lightly. Yes, I know there are almost a million words in the English language, but unlike You, I pick favorites. I don’t like to make promises I might not be able keep.

Here’s a suggestion. You know all those trails that You put me through? If You lightened up, maybe I wouldn’t be such a potty mouth.

Have a gloriferous day! Word invention may be my way around eternal damnation for swearing. Or not. (We’re always trying to find ways around things instead of doing the right thing. My, we must test Your patience.) Sorry.

Hey, thanks for listening.



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