Stupid Stuff

I’ll keep your secrets if you keep mine…

Admit it. We humans do stupid stuff. By sharing these experiences with others, we expose ourselves to be numbskulls.

Recently, friends invited a group of us to their cabin for a weekend.  In the spirit of lending a hand and to not come off as a free loader, I thought I’d wash the dishes. I moved the faucet lever forward and backward, no water. Next, I began touching the faucet and bumping it like I’ve seen people do on TV. If anyone would’ve walked in, they would’ve thought I was fondling the hardware. Still no water. I gave up and used the bathroom sink.

When I noted that the faucet wasn’t working, my hostess said, “the handle pulls to the right.” I didn’t think to do that.

“You do have an upcoming birthday. It must’ve been a senior moment.”

No, no it wasn’t. Nor was the incident booze related. I’m a moderate drinker. I have a condition called “can’t hold her liquor” which prevented me from consuming more than two alcoholic beverages in succession.

Stupid stuff doesn’t have to be age related. My youngest sister poked herself in the eye with protective eyewear. She also could’ve spent time in jail because sometimes stupid infected your vision.

A sign on the beach said “do not take the rocks.” She saw, “take the rocks.” When Sis lugged her full bucket to the car, her husband asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Taking rocks like the sign said.”

“You missed the word NOT.” Her state trooper husband said. Somewhere along a beach there’s a beautiful pile of hand picked rocks that took my sister two hours to collect.

When I was a kid, I told my mom, “I saw a snake under the house.” Mom tucked my sister and me under her arms. We then left the safety of the house and ventured outside into the snake’s territory. Mom ran through the neighborhood to my aunt’s house because there was a snake under our house.

In another snake related incident, a friend was out hiking. He noticed a black snake sunning itself. He decided to walk the other way. When he looked back, the snake was behind him. He walked faster. The snake followed. He began to run. His exact words were, “The snake ran after me.” He was out of breath before logic kicked in and he realized snakes didn’t run. The snake was a strap hanging off his backpack and trailing on the ground.

Senior moments, bull, I came to the conclusion that our brains are too full of crap to use logic or to figure out how to do basic things such as use a faucet. There should be a place to go and get your head cleaned out like a computer.

I paid Heath, my computer guru (first name basis), a hundred dollars to de-virus and de-junk my computer. I’d gladly pay half that, since I don’t have a virus, to clear my head.

Before my dad retired, he held a stressful job. I asked him how he uncluttered his brain. Dad said there were two special places called the weekend and vacation.

We know the weekend didn’t work for me. The problem with a vacation is that a week wasn’t long enough to reprogram your thoughts. It takes two days to find the shut down button and another two days to run the virus check. Then just when you hit restart with a cleared out head, it’s time to go home. When you then realize it would take a year of hedonistic living to forget all the junk cluttering your head, you’re set up to do stupid stuff all over again.

Age shouldn’t be used as a scapegoat for doing stupid stuff. Keeping your mouth shut would be better. When that’s not possible, as long as no one suffers snake bite, does time, loses an eye, and the dishes are done, it’s okay to be a numbskull.


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