The correct answer is always buy the boots…

Certain situations in life demand that a person not give in to a reactionary response and maintain a grip on sanity when the body’s natural response is to scream or throw a punch. This creates stress. Stress will take you down like a hungry hawk takes down a squirrel.

Experts propose that you find an outlet for stress. Martial arts is a suggested healthy release, preferably Tai Chi. Karate without learning the full mind/body discipline can lead to your arrest or a broken hand. The proper technique for either practice takes time.

Likewise, other suggestions seem unrealistic in the context of busy lives. Get enough sleep. Eat healthy and exercise. Give yourself fifteen minutes of peace and quiet each day.

To get enough sleep, exercise is sacrificed. To eat healthy, you get up early to prep a meal to save time at day’s end. Most of us with fifteen minutes to spare use the bathroom and/or shower. Suggested coping mechanisms aren’t practical for people who live a real life, two jobs, kids, aging parents, etc.

I’ve developed a simplified plan for stress called Hold It Together or Buy Boots. Hold it together, H.I.T., reminds me that if I lash out in a stressful situation, I may land in a world of regret or jail. Buying boots are a healthy release that can make me feel like queen of the world.

The H.I.T. or B.B. stress plan includes male options steel toe, military, and cowboy. Women’s choices are limitless. Boots can be bought on bathroom breaks. Sales and coupons ensure the cost is less than a therapist. A few scenarios to use as guidelines follows.

Management is incompetent and expect the poor squibs who earn diddly squat to deal with the fallout from their screw-ups. In this instance, hold it together. Boots can’t be purchased without a job.

When faced with a milestone birthday, buy boots. The many buckle boots that deliver the Laura Croft/Dwayne Johnson feel are a great choice. Milestone birthday implies a long damn time. Tomb raider boots implies badass. The Rock in any type of boots does the same.

If dealing with an unruly older parent causes stress, hold it together. Parents have to put up with your crap for no less than eighteen years. Let them vent. Besides there’s no reasoning with them when they get this way. For the hell of it, put a pair of gray, mid-calf  boots in the cart. There’s no pressure to hit purchase.

Reprimands issued for wearing milestone boots requires that you hold it together and then buy boots. The Laura Croft/Rock look offended the office drabs who smirk in their chukka boots and slacks. Whoop-de-doo. Buy non-buckle boots that would be more acceptable, but that still feel as if you’ve flipped someone off on your way out of a cave or a jungle with the Holy Grail tucked under your belt.

The stress of teaching a kid to drive demands that you hold it together unless there’s a tractor trailer involved. Then by all means, scream your head off. After explaining that real driving isn’t any iota like Motorsport on Xbox, drop the kid at home. Go buy boots, genuine leather. Survival deserves nothing less than real cowhide.

If one of the kids refuses to learn to drive, buy boots, preferably with lug soles. That kid will need someone to haul their butt around forever and in all kinds of weather.

A volatile world and a country that seems headed for another conflict or war screams for boots. If native to a northern climate, consider hikers with thinsulate for warmth. In case of Armageddon, those cute little suede numbers with the fringe won’t cut it foraging for food in the wild. Mud will completely ruin them.

Buy boots if it’s been a long damned week. Go for the black sexy babes that roll over the knees and caress the thighs. Men, again, anything Dwayne Johnson, representative of Jumanji or G.I. Joe will do. Embrace as much vixen badass or The Rock as possible before you die.

If you find that one pair of boots that make you feel like Wonder Woman or Batman, buy them in every color. Banish stress forever.