A Pirate for President

No cause is lost if there is but one fool left to fight for it…

The presidential election might have to be delayed due to a pandemic hoax according to people with absolutely no authority to initiate a delay. Please accept my late, but perfect, presidential nominee.

            I nominate a pirate. Black beard, no beard, who cares? The only consideration is that the candidate must be a terrible pirate, the worst.

            The potential pirate leader has to put his own desires ahead of cooperating with a crew. The pirate must pursue his own personal agenda and manipulate or shame his crew into doing his bidding. A truly horrendous pirate makes a crew member walk the plank even if that crewman is the only person capable of steering the ship.

            Pirates’ main concerns lie with pillage and plunder. To get the most by force and fraud, buccaneers would plow their ship through littered oceans and stinky air. Scurvy and other diseases would be ignored under pirate rule.

            A plunderer, predator, and con man, a.k.a. pirate, rob, cheat, lie, and commit illegal acts. Public office for personal gain and using a public office for the endorsement of products, services, or enterprises would make perfect illegal pirate sense. Pirates are completely okay with making false statements, taking bribes, and using taxpayer money for private travel.        

            The best of the worst of pirates should cause some of his own problems due to a brash and crude nature. Comments such as what a dope, skank, nasty lowlife, and wishing an aid to a sexual predator well would make sense if coming from the mouth of a pirate.

            Pirates hide assets, bury their treasure, and don’t pay taxes. Surrender the booty is the pirate cry not surrender the tax return.

             A sea rover will pillage and plunder until his boat is almost sunk with treasure. Pirates have no ethics, more of a set of guidelines than actual rules. A dishonest man can always be trusted to be dishonest.

            Pirate ships are known to house a lot of vermin. A pirate for president would ensure the smoothest transition between the current crew aboard the White Pearl.

            A pirate for president! Pillage, plunder, and surrender the booty! But not skank booty, argh.

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