Beam me up Scotty…

Star Date: 95797.87

Subject: Are Earthlings a threat to the Charmion Galaxy?

Assess: Leadership, Healthcare, Environment

We landed on a landmass called North America. The land is divided into smaller pieces. This seems to be the practice of the entire planet. Everywhere there are invisible dividing lines. We’ve no understanding of what seems to be the worship of a piece of cloth on a stick. If Earthlings can’t come together and agree to make a daily rotation of underwear, the crew agrees, we’re out of here.

On first observation of this one race, we notice they are diverse, but more alike than Earthlings admit. They don’t seem to understand the value of differences and sameness. Do the invisible lines in which they separate themselves affect their sensibilities?

Though there are 750 million variations of our species, we see ourselves as Charmions. Earthlings see themselves as individuals first. They add on from there. A typical scenario follows: Tony, male, Caucasian, Steelers fan, Democrat, American. We have yet to encounter anyone who identifies as Earthling.

We’ve sent out scouting parties to observe leaders. How to explain? The expression we use when a door is shut on your hand and pain shoots through every fiber of your being, is the best way to explain Earth’s leadership.

In most of the invisibly divided land masses, we notice the wealthiest percent of humans lord over the rest of the population. We think this explains much of the incomprehensible nature of this planet. We’ve agreed, among ourselves, that a few of Earth’s leaders would hold positions in waste disposal on our planet. In a poll of Earthlings, most agreed with our observation about their leaders.

In the land called United States, (again, invisibly divided into sections), I asked how people care for their health. An Earthling identified as George, man, Caucasian, Cowboys fan, Republican, American answered.

“You’re asking me how does earth care for my health? What’re you some kind of alien?” George said.

“Yes.”

“You belong behind a wall.”

I’m guessing a wall’s another kind of dividing barrier. Apparently, I was on the wrong side. This encounter vexed me. How does one figure where one belongs on Earth? The crew decided not to strain our intellect in understanding Earthling’s separations.

In posing my question to another Earthling, this is what I learned about U.S. healthcare. An American pays for a plan that will pay for care of one’s health. An Earthling has a blood letting procedure and takes money from their pocket to pay for the procedure. The blood letting establishment sends the sample to a hospital. The hospital demands payment from the Earthling too. The Earthling sees a doctor who also wants payment from the Earthling’s pocket to tell him about the blood letting.

The Earthling used words similar to our hand-in-door expression as a final explanation of American healthcare. Is this type of healthcare the direct result of the leadership paradigm?

Our final assessment involves Earth itself. In short, remember when Gleef put too much fuel in the explorer pod and lit a match? His crew didn’t want to get him in trouble and stood with their hands in their flight suits and said, “Fire? What Fire?”  Everyone else held their heads in their hands and ran around in circles. No one retrieved the hose to put out the fire. Yes, it’s that bad, but planet wide. In trying to understand how humans care for their home planet, our minds, in Earthling terms, blew a gasket.

A few of the welcoming human subjects invited us to partake in an Earthling ritual. We think the ritual is enacted as an escape from reality. Jack, oak barrels, Lynchburg and margarita, agave, Mexico were the objects of veneration.

Jack and margarita as an occasional diversion is a marvelous plan. As a solution to Earth’s problems, I can see more than two Jack’s or margarita’s becoming an added problem. We didn’t dare seek medical attention for our brain injuries.

Final Assessment: Although we observed communities of caring humans, they seemed scattered. The invisible barriers and divisions Earthlings erect keep them from forward progression. Earthlings pose no threat to our galaxy. We can’t say the same thing about Earthlings upon themselves.