Two Inch Nails

What are you willing to give up for pretty?…

As I waited to pick up an order at the hardware store, I observed a woman returning a garbage can. She had a replacement can in her cart. She asked the store employee for help with putting the lid on the replacement can. “Because, you know, I can’t do it with my nails.” She said.

            The woman had two inch fingernails which were filed to points and painted in rainbow colors.

            Two inch fingernails. Grab a ruler. I’ll wait.

            My thumb is two inches long including my fingernail. Add an extended two inch fingernail. Looooooooooooooooooooong, as the word long. That’s long, huh?

            The manicured nails made me wonder what else the woman found difficult to do.

            I went home and cut out two inch pointy nails out of paper and taped them to my fingers to see what I couldn’t do. Yes, I’m occasionally weird or more than occasionally weird depending on which friend or family member you ask.

            Yeah, I couldn’t have put a lid on a garbage can either. I’d never have been able to open my car door without a key fob.

            If my nails weren’t paper, I could’ve opened the mail. Maybe, there’s a skill set you develop over time with nails like letter openers, but I have doubts.

            If my nails were the real thing, I’d never be able to pet my dog without impaling her. Rubbing my eyes would chance blindness. Forget contacts. I’d skewer my eyeballs.

            I could not:

  • Write with a pen
  • Hold a brush and paint
  • Use a knife or scissors
  • Wash dishes, even if my nails weren’t paper
  • Cook
  • Garden
  • Play guitar, even if I remembered how to play
  • Pick my nose
  • Pick blueberries
  • Pickup anything
  • Wipe my…

            The experiment ended with a trip to the bathroom. Yikes, fake two inch nails are not practical.

            The woman’s nails were pretty, but there’s too many things I like to do (with the exception of dishes) instead of pretty.

One thought on “Two Inch Nails

  1. i do puzzles in ink
    not do not think that
    i seek the perfect emery board
    cos i keep my nails short
    got blood poisining in 1979
    and i have constant hang nail
    spell toxic
    fa me


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