Breathe, Wine, Ahhh…

Just keep breathing…

Lately, my mind can be compared to thousands of crabs skittering across the sand, clicking their claws. Then a huge wave crashes over them. The crabs tumble and try to grab passing food. A few of them drown. Can crabs drown? Do crabs eat fish, or are they vegetarians who prefer seaweed?

            Anyway, there’s too much noise inside my head. To try to quiet the crustaceans, a five day meditation challenge seemed to be the perfect solution. There was to be a morning and an evening meditation session. Of course, in this state of mind, the key word “challenge” was overlooked.

            Day 1: Visualization

            “Breathe in and exhale. Close your eyes.”

            Visualization was my strong point. I imagined seagulls plucking crabs from the sand. Now I had birds. What would I do with all of them? Maybe Wonder Woman, with an industrial sized broom, could sweep the crabs back into the sea. She’d then fly off in her invisible airplane.

            That wasn’t what the meditation leader had in mind.

             “Visualize a satisfying breakfast before you. Imagine yourself taking slow mouthfuls and savoring the food.” He said.

            Too late. I wolfed down oatmeal to get the meditation in before work.

            Wine and hip flasks, where did those thoughts come from? Sure, I browsed booze holders yesterday, but I didn’t purchase anything.

            The flask which featured a savvy woman and the saying, ‘Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution’ was cute. I was partial to the container with the Viking runes that translated to ‘one will never lose one’s way in storms or bad weather, even when the way is not known.’

            Viking runes begged for stronger spirits such as whiskey. Either flask spelled trouble.

            Day 2: Mantra

            “Breathe in and ahhh… on the exhale.”

            I ahhhed quietly so as not to wake the hubby, lest he think I birthed a child or had fallen and was writhing in pain.

            Forgetting yesterday’s evening meditation, I was up earlier to get both of today’s sessions in before work.

            Day 3: Our Divine Nature

            “Sit in a comfortable position. Breathe in and imagine a brilliant light entering your body.”

            Meditation might be working. By the time I arrived at work yesterday, I was so relaxed I needed a nap. It could also have been because I was up earlier.

            “The light travels from your head to your shoulders.”

            Pause. I was chugging coffee, bathroom break.

            “Let the light flow into your heart.”

             Pause. Sneezing spell, I needed a tissue. How could the mind be quiet and experience divinity when the body had a mind of its own?

            Day 4: Overcoming Fear

            “Take a deep breath in. Fearful thoughts create fearful experiences. Release all fearful thoughts with your breath.”

            The six o’clock news or even parents have told us to be afraid. Listen up. This is how the world sucks today. Don’t run. You might fall.

            Was I creating my own horde of Huns to devastate the landscape in my head by listening to everyone else? Did I have to believe them? If I ran, I might finish a marathon theoretically at least.

             There was no need to scare myself. That was Stephen King’s job. Breathe.

            Day 5: Empowerment

            “The secret truth to life is that the present moment is all there really is. Breathe in. Release. Don’t relive the past. The future isn’t here.”

             The Huns belonged to history. The Jetsons made me believe in future jetpacks and leisure time. We don’t have jetpacks or robot maids. Unless you counted Aquaflyers and Roombas, which I don’t. Why waste time on maybe?

             Even though life’s not perfect, life is good. There are t-shirts to help us remember this. I noticed them when shopping for a flask.

            Clear the clutter. One will never lose one’s way in storms or bad weather, even when the way is not known. Focus on the present moment. A bushel of steamed crabs, a glass of wine, breathe, yummm….

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