Super Powers

Be your own hero…

What superpower would you choose to possess? Invisibility might be the best, right, but not so fast. Consider the definition of invisible.


  1. inability to be seen
  2. the state of being ignored or not taken into consideration

           After landing our kayaks at the dock, a man asked how we fared fishing. As I spoke of the day’s catch on the dam, mid-sentence, the man turned his head, walked towards my husband, and talked fishing with him.

           I’m a woman who can lift a kayak, rig a line, bait a hook, filet a fish, and tell a tale. With a turn of a head, I became invisible.

           Ninja invisible was cool. Slipping a ring on a finger and disappearing was cool. Ignored invisible was NOT cool.

           I might consider the power of shape-shifting if it wasn’t frowned upon to turn into a man-eating crocodile. Even if the crocodile persona only ate assholes, we lived in a democracy that ensured a fair trial. A superhero should not abuse crocodile power.

           One question, if you turned from a person into an animal, then back to a person, what happened to your clothes? A shift from a polar bear to a human in Manitoba would leave you naked in -13 degree weather.

           Also, skin became saggy with age. Floppy skin was something to think about if you were regularly naked.

           A crowded street held a lot of minds. People’s thoughts could be brilliant or empty. I could read the mind of the guy scratching his butt in the checkout line or read the minds of all the world leaders to scare the hell out of myself. The ability to read others’ thoughts might be appealing if the superpower came with the ability to change small minds.

           Super-speed had benefits for running down bad guys, but what then? Did I also need superhuman strength to apprehend villains? The world of superpowers usually didn’t grant multiple traits. Speed and a beefy muscular frame might be counterproductive.

            The super speed required eye protection against wind speed. After observing the windshield of my car, I’d have to remember to keep my mouth shut too.

           Regeneration presented possibilities. Villains had a way of cutting people down with words or swords. Regenerative abilities wouldn’t be effective against words. I then contemplated the re-growth of an arm like a starfish. That was gross.

           What about flight then? We already flew in planes, jets, balloons, etc. Wing propulsion, like a bird, wouldn’t rely on a pilot.

           Think about the hover capability of hummingbird flight at 4,000 wing beats per minute. The sugar-addicted birds consumed half their body weight in nectar daily and snatched hundreds of fruit flies to maintain that kind of energy.

           I might be able to polish off dozens of cupcakes and candy bars each day. I wouldn’t want to eat that many bugs to maintain the ability for flight. What good was flight unless you could also carry a villain to a volcano and dunk him once or twice as punishment? Again, we had the fair trial and punishment clause in a democracy.

           Wonder Woman never hip-checked a man off of a dock for hurt feelings Superpower required super responsibility and integrity. I’d rather have the capability to talk to animals, less bullshit.

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