My Daughter’s Apology to the Guy in a Speedo and My Subsequent Apology for My Daughter’s Apology

Summer shorts…

Dear Oldish Guy in a banana hammock,

            I’m sorry that I took your picture and posted it on social media. But you should be sorry for grossing out my followers. I said, “Oh, my Gawd Becky, look at his belly. It’s so BIG!” She grossed out, literally.

            Budgie smugglers belong on guys like Jason Momoa. Jason was Aquaman in a movie. (In case oldish people, like you, don’t know.)  Aquaman is a testament that Jason belongs on the beach showing his goods in their perfection. And boofs* (meant affectionately) do not.

            Anyway, sorry your photo is out there racking up hits, but not in a good way.

* Burned out old farts, incase you’re not up on lingo.


 Becky’s friend

Dear Speedo Man,

            I’m sorry that my daughter took a photo of you in a Speedo and posted it on social media. I’m also sorry that her apology letter fell short of what an apology letter should be.

            Sure, I’d love to wear a bikini, but after a kid and more than a few decades, a bikini isn’t practical. From my daughter’s photo, you know what I mean. Body parts droop, there’s more than there used to be, and nothing is where it should be.

            Therefore, bikinis and Speedos belong to people like Jennifer Aniston and Chris Hemsworth. Jen was on Friends way back and many movies since. That babe (meant affectiontely) doesn’t age. Chris was in Thor, (a Superhero movie, in case you’re not familiar.) Thor is the god of my dreams. I mean thunder, god of thunder.

            I admonished my daughter and said, “Don’t make fun. That man has bal… bravery. He has to be brave to wear a Speedo. Give him that.”

            Anyway, sorry that most of us can’t live up to Hollywood images of perfection, but your photo is out there shouting, “who cares.”


 Becky’s friend’s Mom

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