Hang Ten, baby... In an effort to save $300.00, we vacationed in September. We had perfect weather, no wait at restaurants, and less crowded beaches. The exception was rip currents. Wind, waves, and science were involved in explaining rip currents. I could only explain the effects of rip currents. I’d never experienced a wave that … Continue reading Boogie Until You Drop

Commencement speech for the walk of life... I’ve tried to come up with a simple description of my job history. My official title reads flower girl, humane society employee, pet shop, lunch lady, plant nursery, custom drapery representative, cleaning lady, retail sales support, library assistant, artist, writer. I failed to mention the mink farm. The … Continue reading Doctor Jack of All Trades

If there was magic... I was conflicted when a woman came up to me and asked, “When is the blessed event?” I’d have thought she meant retirement if she wasn’t staring at my stomach. I blamed excessive pounds on my ancestors who lived through wars and rationing. I also grew up with the misconception that … Continue reading The Magical Diet Drink

The correct answer is always buy the boots... Certain situations in life demand that a person not give in to a reactionary response and maintain a grip on sanity when the body’s natural response is to scream or throw a punch. This creates stress. Stress will take you down like a hungry hawk takes down … Continue reading Hold it Together or Buy Boots?

Be you... I recently had to purchase new eyeglasses because I can’t see objects such as tractor trailers in the distance. My driver’s license states that I must wear corrective lens to alleviate this problem. After my eye exam, I took one look at the frames on the wall and said, “Ew.” “But these are … Continue reading I’m so Poplar

What's next? Juggling piranhas?... The role with my parents reversed itself. I was now the responsible adult keeping my parents out of trouble. Mom tended towards a sensible and less adventurous nature, usually. Calamity was mainly Dad. The other day, I busted my eighty-one year old father standing on an overturned bucket. “What are you … Continue reading Buckets, Ladders, and Chainsaws

Show your mother some kindness... This long overdue apology is sent with my sincerest regards. For a long time, you’ve taken much abuse. We’ve flushed our toilets into your rivers, filled your oceans with plastics, and poisoned your streams with pesticides. I’m aware of how much it would suck if the tables were turned. I … Continue reading Dear Mother Earth