WTF... Did I eat cake for breakfast again? Is RumChata an acceptable substitute for coffee creamer? The last time we zoomed, did my boss notice that my t-shirt read, “Fuck this shit.”? If so, will she mention it when we return to work? Do I care? When was the last time I wore makeup? … Continue reading Questions I’ve Asked Myself Since Practicing Home Confinement
Seven is the Deadliest Number That You’ll Ever Do
Bless me Father for I have sinned... Oh, Dear, God, Why seven deadly sins? Why not five or better yet, three? With only three deadly sins, I might have a chance of not crisping to toast in eternity’s version of Texas. I know I’m unfair to Texas. I’ve never experienced Texas. My imagination of the … Continue reading Seven is the Deadliest Number That You’ll Ever Do
Hack This
May I suggest an honest job?... You may be wondering why you’re getting this email, right? I’m a hacker who cracked your email months ago. Don’t try to find me, it’s impossible, I sent you this email from YOUR hacked account. I set up malware on the adult vids (porno) website you visited to have … Continue reading Hack This
Flammable Cake
No one light a match... Gatherings with my family meant food. Among siblings, we were cooks, bakers, or buyers. I wished I could become a buyer of premade food like my youngest sister, but I have masochist tendencies. Instead, I asked my parents what kind of dessert they wanted. Dad said, “fruitcake with rum like … Continue reading Flammable Cake
Feed the Birds
What if I just dump the seed on the ground?... My parents were used to being nomadic. They’d pack their RV and call from wherever the road led to tell me they arrived safely. Recent health issues clipped their wings. When stationary, my parents drove themselves and anyone within a fifteen mile radius crazy. I … Continue reading Feed the Birds
What a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Guess what I heard about the neighbors?... Oh dear God, why did I tell the next door neighbor that the couple across the street are serial killers? This winter has been horrendous. We’ve shoveled back breaking amounts of snow. We’ve been confined to our homes riding out ice storms and power outages. The fabrication is … Continue reading What a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Not in Love with My Car
Varoom, putt, putt, putt... Janis Joplin sang about a Mercedes Benz, but she drove a psychedelic painted Porsche. Leonardo DiCaprio’s Prius reflected his belief in global warming. The Pope’s used 1984 Renault was refreshing humility in a leader. Our cars are a reflection of us. My car spoke boulevard of broken dreams. My ancient car … Continue reading Not in Love with My Car
